Movies and me!

This weekend was the most boring I had ever endured in a while. I was in no mood for studying and the internet was cranky. So by this cruel twist of fate I decided to watch some movies with my bro. We actually watched a mallu, tamil and a telgu movie in less than five hours :) And at the end of the session, I realized:

1. They all start with a hero-introduction song!
2. The hero and heroine quite literally fall in love. The hero falls on the leading lady and they have the tumbling down the stairs/river bed sequence (with ear-splitting la-la-la chorus), ending with a sloppy kiss. The heroine blushes and voila, they are in love. If I were her, I would have probably been busy nursing my fractured bones because that’s what would really happen if a dunce weighing a hundred kilos suddenly decides to plant himself upon damsels.
3. All the good, innocent girls are homely, wear saris and look gorgeous with their hair open. (I tried the hair-open-in-the-wind part once, but instead of flowing across my face in lovely waves, they decided to frizz up and it took ages to detangle my hair). Also, they bear all atrocities silently and the only testament to their suffering is their sari pallu. The bad girls are the ones in skimpy clothes wearing red lipstick.
4. All songs (even the sad ones where the heroine is angry with the hero or his mother/best friend/anybody who is shown for five seconds in the first scene kicks the bucket) are shot in foreign locales. They all have matching embarrassing dance steps. Also this cruel death brings more sympathy from the heroine and she forgives the hero by the end of the song.
5. The lead pair romance around trees happily and the next scene is predictably: hero's mischievous smile - a door closing - camera pans up to the moon. And we are left to decipher that they are up to something naughty!
6. Yes the inevitable scene: The heroine pukes and her parents are shocked. Her dad takes the dagger out and the mother and daughter fall at his feet. The dad actually walks until the door dragging the ladies at his feet like a pair of mops. Not even for a moment do they think that the puking could have been just indigestion.
7. Then at the door, he drops the dagger with a loud clang and sits down. The whole family now huddles and bawls. The dad after hitting his head a million times with his hands; comes up with a brilliant solution for the disgrace his daughter has brought to the family. Consume poison!
8. The next five minutes is spent on zooming in and out of the poison bottle. The background music is the sad version of the la-la-la song. Finally when they actually start drinking it, the hero breaks the door open and starts a monologue. He talks about suppression of women, and how they should be given equal opportunity for selecting their partner. And this was the same dude who admonished the bad girl for wearing clothes not befitting a woman! Hypocrisy!!!
9. Then there are villains who try to kidnap/molest the heroine. The bimbette only screams and the hero is so overcome with rage that he single-handedly kills a bunch of henchmen. The police arrive only at the end of the fight and promptly arrest the baddies. In one movie, a policeman actually congratulates the hero and says he would love to get him as a son-in-law. Even my bro who actually watches pretty intolerable movies, groaned at this!
10. The bloodied hero unties the heroine, who is very conveniently bound with ropes and looks into her eyes deeply. She nods to articulate that she is okay. He grabs and hugs her. The dad wipes his tears and everyone is happy once again. Tada! Movie over.

Never for a moment will I ever regret my disinterest in movies :)