Sigh…As I celebrate more than two decades of singledom, I wish all the losers in love with full bitterness a very happy valentine’s. However, there are things that can possibly be banned on Vday without hurting sentiments of love-sick puppies:
Red accessories: Almost every idiot on the street wears a wannabe red shirt. In fact, girls are no less. I saw one with red nail polish and earrings.
Celebrity interviews on TV: Yes. A lot of these frustrated single celebs, who go on and on about how Vday is for everybody and give free advice on how to gift flowers for mom, gran, and the dog next door. Ough!! Repeat after me: Valentine is not for everybody. It is meant for people who are so much into themselves that they can afford to blow up money in tacky places stuffed with pink balloons and red confetti.
Flowers: Last year, my roomie got flowers from her ‘actually-he-is-not-my-boyfriend-because-it-is-not-a-right-thing-to-do-according-to-indian-culture-but-he-pays-for-my-shopping-trips-so-just-to-please-him-let-us-call-him-my-very-very-very-close-companion’ friend and decided to put it right next to our bed. After 24 hours, the room started smelling of dead rats and I hinted that she throw them out. She looked at me like I was not human and scooped up those flowers to smell them. “These flowers remind me of him”, she decided finally after stuffing them into her nose for a whole minute. I was tempted to reply, “Eww. Does he smell that way?”, but I kept quiet for the fear of changing her mind about the flowers. “With people like you, the world will soon come to an end”, she finished and took her flowers away. Thank god.
Talk shows: Last year, there was a debate on the lines of how falling in love could ruin your possibilities of running for presidency and how youngsters insult the illustrious lineage of their ancestors (who all had two wives)by putting their family names at stake. The dude mediating the show was clad in a suit with a tie, but patronized the viewers endlessly on the ill effects of western influence.
Hearts: Every damn thing is heart-shaped on Vday. I know love comes from the heart, but heart-shaped hair clips is taking it too far. They look incredibly stupid, and should be banned.
History of Vday on papers: Who cares! Everybody parrots the same lines, “Vday is actually celebrated in memory of St.Valentine” This is a gimmick to justify that Vday is not a figment of imagination and that there was a solid dude whom we can blame for dying and thereby single-handedly destroying the very and probably the only premise of conservative Indian culture, “All Indians are my brothers and sisters”
Yes. This was written out of pure boredom as I consciously stay away from the outdoors to avoid frequent gagging and disgust on Vday. Well, this may all become tolerable one day maybe, if I manage to keep this post away from dad. Thinking of that, the guy at the bus stop with a red tee was kinda cute. Hmmm…maybe next year...
