For this is what we do...

"For this is what we do. Put one foot forward and then the other. Lift our eyes to the snarl and smile of the world once more. Think. Act. feel. Add our little consequence to the tides of good and evil that flood and drain the world. Drag our shadowed crosses into the hope of another night. Push our brave hearts into the promise of a new day. With love: the passionate search for truth other than our own. With longing: the pure, ineffable yearning to be saved. For so long as fate keeps waiting, we live on. God help us. God forgive us. We live on."
- Shantaram, Gregory David Roberts.

And thus ends Shantaram, undoubtedly one of the best books I have read. It is of the kind that grips you until the very end and makes you feel upset when it is over. It bubbles with enthusiasm, despairs in search of life, preaches philosophy, destructs conformist premises, dilutes beliefs, and finally ends in hope.

India, as one of my friends, D, said ‘is the only country foolish enough to glorify and cherish convicts". Shantaram pretty much proves that point.

I enjoy

• Examining my fingers after a long bath. The fading wrinkles on the fingers effortlessly forward me to the way they would permanently look in future.
• Watching the languid bus depot from my bedroom window, enjoying the breeze playing on my hair, till I feel a tinge of pain on my nose after pressing it too hard against the iron grills.
• The irrepressible tears that come out involuntarily after listening to 'Kwaja mere kwaja' from Jodha Akbar and BJ's ' Bhavayaami Gopalabalam' set in the Yemen Kalyani raaga.
• The relief and gratefulness for the first serve of food on a grumbling empty stomach.
• Taking a quiet walk from Bessy to Adyar any day, any time.
• The divinity of a roadside makeshift temple.
• The references that I unconsciously make to my own life while reading a book.
• Lethargically turning my head in response to the wave of fresh cool air in the office atrium.
• Walking home through the chaos and confusion of a busy road.
• Nostalgia when shopping at Nilgiris that plays Kishore Kumar songs on a full blast.
• Loneliness at the relative quiet of my apartment after I shut the door.
• Brimming tears after spicy Sāmbhar at the Murugan Idly shop.
• Heaviness after crushed expectations.
  I enjoy :)

A killer instinct

I shuddered when I saw blood. Dripping nonchalantly from the table to the white marble floors in a haunting rhythm...I saw blood.

Reaching for the end of my duppata, draped neatly around my neck, I covered the velvety spots that were becoming bigger by the minute. The knife that had effortlessly cut the veins looked at me accusingly.

The cotton cloth soon lapped up the blood in a parasite-like frenzy and asked for more. Shivering and afraid, I rushed to the nearest wash. As the first stream of cold water hit my wrists, a surge of pain traveled across my body and I arched in agony. Sweat, tears, water and blood filled the wash, creating arbitrary patterns on the smooth ceramic.

Willing the flow to stop, I opened the tap to its fullest. I could suddenly feel my knees going weak. I clutched the wash tightly to steady myself. The ceramic gave way and I caught hold of the stairway banister just in time to cushion my fall. I looked back at her.

She was still sitting where I had left her. It had hurt me. Didn’t it hurt her too? It made me retch. Didn’t she feel like throwing up? When I cut my wrists I screamed. Didn’t it wound her too? How would I know? She didn’t say a thing. I could feel the knife as it cut my hand. Didn’t she feel it too? Why didn’t she tell me if it hurt her? Her eyes that were perpetually set in a meek surrender looked at me even now. A spurt of anger surmounted me. Why couldn’t she react? Why didn’t she protest? Why didn’t she shout? Why on earth did she have to be so good? Even when the knife drew meticulous lines of precision across her neck, she didn’t tell me a thing.

How could she tell me? I had gagged her before I killed.

And the winner is...

Elections are a carnival for jokes. And I as a first time voter, take it up as my moral responsibility to encourage our dear leaders who keep the humor alive within all of us. The result of which is a list of awards for all the jawans who continue to tirelessly entertain us, by looking absurd and silly, every single day.

"BJP is a truly secular party" - Advani

Did this saffron brigade leader hear what Varun had to say about Muslims? The frantic waving of hands and his claims of sending all Muslims to Pakistan, successfully earned him the 'Fanaticism bordering on the lines of insanity' award. And Advaniji fiercely defending the party ideologies and praising great leaders of the BJP, even when reporters pointedly questioned him on Varun’s speech wins the ‘Going temporarily deaf when (unmentionable body part) is on fire' award.

"Terrorism and religion conversion are two sides of a coin which will swallow our nation. The Hindus are now waking up against it'"-Pramod Muthalik

Yeah, his sevaks are busy bashing up women in the name of culture protection. Though I don’t see how he is planning on eradicating terrorism and religious conversions by declaring that women have no rights to their share of fun. So unquestionably the ‘I still live because it is illegal to shoot me’ award goes to him.

"In north India, the SP, the RJD and the LJP have dominated the secular space." -Mulayam Singh

These three parties are notorious for vote bank politics in UP and what we call communalism is their secularism. They win the 'Learn the meaning of English words first' award.

“We were defeated in 13 constituencies by design.” – The Ramdosses

This father-son duo largely made unpopular through the unceremonious sacking of the AIIMS head; usually say such incredible things when they feel largely ignored. Their hobbies include criticizing anything that the others (Read: Not PMK) do. And they clinch the ‘Desperate limelight hoggers’ award.

'There was a communication gap, that’s all' - Jayalalitha

Dropped out of a tea party hoisted by Mayawati, Jayalalitha dignifiedly fielded the media glare. Well, communication gaps happen all the time. That explains why the Left and the MDMK parties were missing during the tea party she threw a few days back. ‘I don’t like to be ignored' award goes to her for sure.

MDMK has been eerily silent this year after the embarrassing defection of a few prominent leaders to DMK. The party together wins the ‘We eat our own words’ title. (Another close contender for this award is TR Rajendher of LMDK. He also wins the ' Does anyone except me knows that my party exists? ‘award)

Of course the icing on the cake was Venkaih Naidu's speech that demanded the Prime Minister’s resignation on moral grounds as the UPA had been ‘deserted’ by its allies and the Congress had become a ‘loner’. Does he know there are elections coming up in a few days? He portrayed another streak of brilliance when he declared that Slumdog Millionaire won the Oscar because Congress had successfully kept poverty alive in India. He undoubtedly wins the ' I love making stupid statements’ title.

(Of course, this idea is not original and there are other people (with a superior sense of moral responsibility and brains) who have given out better awards. So suggestions, corrections and additions are always welcome).