Thupakki – give me a break!

You do not go into a Vijay movie expecting a complex plotline and some intense performances – You go for eight songs (two shot in Switzerland), four fights and anti-climax/climax scenes. Thupakki, while of course entertaining, takes clichés to another level altogether.

First twenty minutes – the hero’s ‘better than gold’ image is re-iterated. He works for the Army, and in case you did not get that, he comes home in his uniform, even when he is on a vacation. Despite being in the Army and getting brain-fried every single day, he gathers enough energy to do a hero-introduction number (in a banian) and cheer fellow Army men. Then, he meets a girl in a traditional ‘ponnu-pakkal’ ceremony , but decides that their ‘tastes’ do not match, within five seconds of seeing her.

But, of course there comes a completely unexpected twist – he meets her again!! How the hell do people run into the same people over and over again? I have run into exactly ten people in my entire life. After some facepalm jokes and the girl re-establishing her pristine, virginal image, he falls for her. Mumbai girl in shorts, who has never kissed/touched another man, never smoked, and has had just one sip of ‘vodka’ -  totally convinced.

Then, there is a muslim terrorist, one sidekick policeman who is a goof-up, and loving family who does not know that Vijay is not just an Army man but also a secret intelligence agent – oh holy mother of all surprises. Terrorists in this movie do not believe in codes. They message like friends. ‘Activate Plan B’ ’when are the guns coming’ ‘all ok with blasts?’ and just so that we understand that they are using private numbers , each time the head terrorist (who btw is really hot) calls his juniors, ‘Non-trackable number’ flashes on the cellphone screens.

Terrorists are more subtle, have excellent deduction powers and have better plans in the movie. Vijay and his group of minions on the other hand, wear suits, stand in the middle of crowded areas, point and loudly say to each other ‘shoot him’ ‘follow him’. Totally discreet secret agents. The climax is another 20 long minutes of facepalmery.

Hot terrorist asks for last wish before killing Vijay, and the hero demands that he be beaten to death. An ego-filled terrorist then removes Vijay’s handcuffs and beats him black and blue. Then, when you are getting ready to cry your eyes out and leave the theatre thinking this is the end of world – a completely out-of-world twist comes. Vijay self-repairs his body. His face, going through several mini-orgasms, erm spasms, helps the rest of the body repair broken bones automatically. Then, of course hero saves the world from terrorist attacks. End of story.

Oh, hell no! What’s a climax without melodrama? All Army men leave together, back to Kashmir.  People are seen crying, newly-wed Army men hugging wives, newborn babies tugging at their daddy’s shirts for one last time, and more such gut-wrenching scenes. At this point, my friend said ‘Are they going to Hogwarts? Same train they come in, same train they go back in?’

I rest my case.

‘Barf’i

Honestly, after all those ‘oh so wonderful’ reviews on the internet, I did expect the famed ‘mental’ act by PC and RK. But, No. The movie becomes more unbearable because it tries too hard to be sweet and rosy.  

The movie opens with a heavily ‘inspired’ Charlie Chaplinsque routine, which has Barfi trying to escape from a fat policeman. Of course, Ileana, the Bengali babhi, becomes a convincing Bengali with a big bindi, cotton saree, and a deer in front of headlights look (very original).  She continues to look surprised for the next fifteen hours of the movie.

Ranbir and his statuary warning are the cutest couple in the movie. They travel together everywhere and honestly they deserve an award for sticking together the whole time. Most of the things he does in the movie could actually get you behind bars in real life. But, No. When Ranbir does it, even the policeman laughs it off. He sabotages a public clock, that probably has heritage value. He breaks into a house. He kidnaps a girl. He also drugs a policeman. But, thanks to his life-saving (and cutesy) skills of eating watermelons, he escapes to Kolkata, with a mentally-challenged girl, arousing absolutely no suspicion on the way.  And as easy as it sounds, he finds a place to rent and a job by the time the three minute song is over.

PC is very surprisingly convincing. But, she also is not without stereotypes.  Ungainly shoes, weird haircut, deliberately cross-eyed – oh so totally ‘mental’. Not to sound insensitive, but I have in my lifetime observed and worked closely with so many people with disabilities – physical and mental. And not all of them point and make funny noises. Not all of them have a crystal ball that they gaze into thoughtfully.

I almost forgot the part where Barfi and Jhilmil find time to kill glowworms and blow bubbles in a forest. The glowworm torture chamber hoop is finally discovered by the policeman, who automatically makes the connect to Barfi. Yes, just one hoop exists in Darjeeling and it belongs to the deaf and dumb person in town. No shit Sherlock!

PC mostly gets kidnapped again and again in the movie, and each time she disappears, her father, a popular villain in Kolly/tollywood, or rather her father’s reflection on a window pane appears. The reflection father mumbles something incorrigible in Hindi and then a comic (!) sequence involving both the lead actors ensues.

The music is one of the best things about the movie. It completely uplifts the movie and adds beauty to the visuals. The climax is probably the only part where the entire theatre groaned in unison. The whole couple-in-love dying together sentiment is the quintessential climax in any south Indian masala movie (TR’s veerasamy included).

Overall verdict: Works in parts. Has a lot of funny jokes. But, zero points for handling disability in the most clichéd manner ever.  #notimpressed