Senile musings...

Equations change. Priorities too. Rejection comes easily. So do tears. On a cold dreary night, you look at the ceiling to wonder if you truly deserve all that you get. You are petrified about losing the crystal you posses. Afraid of breaking it into thousand pieces. Driven by your fear, it has rolled off to a furtive corner. Never can it be reclaimed. You long for it but do not want it either. You wish you could close the door, latch it tightly, and never look back.

You have moved on, the room has been rebuilt, but the crystal still remains, haunting you with its absence.

Aum...

I have always pondered over this quintessential question that has troubled mighty brains over the ages: The Life-death cycle.

I have debated different permutations and combinations of life-death explanations with several people. This was what I did once again during the weekend with my Uncle. The essence of what we discussed is written below. Many of the things were quite new and surprising to me.

A human mind has a lot of desires. All actions, aspirations, dreams and thoughts are based on desires. These desires include desires of the mind as well as the heart. The ability to think and reason out is also born out of the passion of achieving your wishes. Until you satisfy them, the mind will not cease.

Further, fulfilled or achieved desires or dreams lead to other desires and dreams. For an example, a man on a bicycle wants a car. A man on a car wants the latest feature upgrades on his vehicle. With one leading to another, the human mind travels expanses searching for means to accomplish the wishes. Sometimes the mind is not able to fulfill them because of several reasons like old age, dubiousness of the desire, impracticality and so on. In this case the human soul, (This by the way is not your mind or intellect. Intellect itself is a non-entity) tries to find another body in which these desires are likely to be achieved.

Let us forget the soul jumping part, I found it a little too fantastic and Uncle also did not have enough reasons to back it up. The point is, once you start controlling your desires then the mind and soul slowly realize that they are one. This also leads you to the revelation that you are truly your Creator. In other words you realize the outside world is only Maya or an illusion created by you and you alone can control your destiny. You would also realize there is life beyond just desires and aspirations. You will be able to enjoy true happiness.

Though I might not fully agree to a few things, it is one of most reasonable explanation I have found for life and death.

Debacles, disasters and discoveries too!!

This post is dedicated to my blog title:

It is the most important day in my life. It just has to be perfect’, was my first thought when I woke up on my first day as an entity of the employed class. I could picture myself going for a meeting, heels clicking all the way, attending a call, typing away furiously on a computer … when my alarm which had lost all its patience started to howl in full throttle once again. After earning disapproving glares from all my roommates I finally struggled out of my bed to get ready.

I had been extra cautious (to the extent of being paranoid) and had ironed my clothes, readied my certificates and even kept my dingy cupboard locked for fear of burglary! But I preferred to keep a reproachful silence when one of my roommates pointed out that there wasn’t much; the bandit in question would just have to do with a couple of ironed dupattas and documents.

Disaster struck only after a hurried bath, when my ironed kurta decided to glide down gracefully into a tub full of water. I could see my lucky charm sag and become worthless in front of my eyes even before I could dive in to save it. With one point down and a manic enthusiasm to make the day perfect I moved on to make breakfast. Like the most famous Murphy’s Law, ‘Anything that can go wrong will definitely go wrong’, my breakfast too was catastrophic. After a meal of burnt rice, sugarless malt, and a bruised ego I ran to the bus stop only to realize I was still in my bathroom slippers. Where were the Karma points I accumulated over the summer?

Finally when I hopped on to a bus, after a sprint to and from the bus stop and hostel, a sense of exhilaration overcame me and I heaved a sigh of relief. That too was short lived, all thanks to Dhivya, my friend, also a new joinee who decided to arrange her certificates in a neat order. I realized I had left all my documents locked up in my precious little cupboard. A ‘all horses let loose’ chase involving a super fast auto driver, an adrenalin rush and a very grouchy Dhivya followed.

We reached on dot at the office only to find out the lift was out of order. We began our long trek to the seventh floor with my Karma points hitting an all time low. Of course I managed to slip and fall on my face on the way up, hampering our flight for a few minutes. When I finally reached the office doors I couldn’t but help smiling wide. I had made it! I had come to a place I had been longing for and could truly call mine.

It seemed completely surreal. Plush interiors, swipe card, phone, separate cabin, and all I could do was just sit - dumbstruck. I kept comparing each passing luxury to the complete debacle my morning was. How many days had I waited, just to enter the office? The mere thought of being able to achieve a part of my dream was calming and I realized that all good things come to you, only if you truly deserve it. It also taught me that I had miles to go before I could completely become worthy of what was being given to me. I had the resources and I had to prove my worth.

Here were people ready to help you and all you had to do, was let them. It really did not matter how many times you slipped as long as you learned to dust the mud off and never lose the zeal to prove yourself. With that in mind I blissfully forgot the day’s fiasco and decided to make a sincere effort to truly become a deserving employee.